Saturday, October 20, 2007
Alright, I get it!
Holy Toledo, I had the most amazing day....I will give you some background info first...A few weeks ago someone came into the shop( I won't give their name because I didn't ask permission to use it)and through conversation this person found out I was going back to Asia...someone else asked about funding for the trip and I began to explain how I have to raise the money to go...this person said "Well, send me a letter" I said "great I will" and I got this persons address, quickly went home and mailed one the next day. I see this person again yesterday and just softly asked them if they got my letter, such an awkward situation...really uncomfortable...they said "yes, did I not already send that in? I thought I did". More awkward I said with my shoulders and my voice as high as they could go... " Well it hasn't posted yet, I really just wanted to kind of remind people in case they forgot?" At the same time I handed them another letter out of my drawer...they looked at it and couldn't remember if they had seen my letter...and then they asked "how much do you still need"...with a face that would impress any professional poker player I said "oh about $1000.00", knowing full well I needed $1500.00. I know I know I know!! Why???!!! Well, this person then said "great I will write a check for $1000.00 and take it by the church office right now." First of all, I was shocked that anybody has that kind of dough. I thought dude I am totally up for adoption!! Seriously, I was just like "WOW...uh..ok?? Thank you sooo much." Later as I was telling my friend what had happened, he was like "that is awesome and all but why didn't you tell them what you REALLY need?" I was like I don't know...here comes the Jesus beatdown...he said "I know why...It was your pride...you let that get in the way of what God wanted to do for you." I thought about it and he was right, as usual...I didn't want to admit that I have not had the support I have had in the past. I thought about it some more and God also revealed my "unbelief", I didn't really believe that He would provide like that...that would just be crazy talk!! I now understand how the apostles had so much unbelief even though they saw all these miracles and healings and amazing things...I have been healed and seen miracles in my own life..I have seen His amazing handy work and yet when it came down to it...I did NOT have faith. I was pretty bummed about that realization for a while. Ok... I have pride issues and I don't trust Him...great, send me to Asia! I was feeling VERY unworthy. Then this amazing thing happened...God gave me another opportunity to fess up...trust Him, and totally knock my socks off. So this same person just pops by the salon and just asks again "How much do you need?" I said " you know, when you asked that yesterday, I let my pride get in the way...the truth is I need $1500.00 but whatever you can do is fine with me I appreciate any amount." I was trying to soften the blow. This person said "that is fine we will get you there." I just didn't know what to say...In my head I was like "thank you Jesus!!" I saw this person at church and they gave me a hug and a smile and just kind of held this check up with a grin..it read $1500.00...I said "I don't know what to say except THANK YOU SO MUCH"...They said "Thank God"...I did, I was...Oh He wasn't done yet...so I go to Chilis to have dinner with my friend and her two boys and I was still like floored with what God had done, and I saw this couple who also go to the church and who were my biggest supporters in trips past...I mean, so much that I didn't send them a support letter this time. I know I know I know!! I just kind of wanted to say hi but I began telling them about what the Lord had taught me and how He was so amazing to give me a second chance to trust Him...and they were so happy for me. Then they asked if I needed anything else...I said "NNNNOOOO, I think I am good to go." They apparently sensed some hesitation and nudged me again..."are you sure?" I spoke up and said "all I am worried about is making enough money to pay my dog sitter while I am gone"...With no hesitation and at the same time they said "send us the bill." I was like "what? seriously?Thank you thank you" I am completely freaking out at this point. I was like Alright God I get it!!!" This whole time He was like "Look what I can do if you just get out of My way, I not only covered this trip but your other worries as well, how do you like them apples?"...I was feeling very unworthy and unsure before but I am now 100% possitive that The Lord has a work for me in Asia. So I leave on the 29th of October, trusting in Him. FULLY.