Adventures in Dating

So, with the dating pool at my church completely dried out and beginning to crack, I have resorted to the Internet dating OCEAN. I signed up for a couple of different websites and on each profile I explicitly asked to only be contacted by Christian men. Well, apparently that is like a beacon for anyone other than a Christian...but all say they are or at least believe in God..right. So I made up my mind that I would just go out with these other guys anyway and "practice dating" with them, against Andreas advice...so off I go. Date #1 East Indian man who "claimed" to be 38 but when he read his menu he pulled out the bifocals, he also "claimed" on his profile to be 5'10" tall, I am 5'10" and he barely came up to my chin and I was in flats... uh I think not! The date went fine but I knew right away I was not interested so lets eat right? When dinner was over the man turned into an octopus and tried to stick his tongue down my throat...I pushed him away and said he was GROSS, I am pretty sure he understood because he ran away with a hurt look on his face. I DON'T CARE..He was nasty. EWWW. So on to date #2 Jewboy...He said he was a Messianic Jew...uh I think not...Just plain ol' JEW. No Jesus just Jew. Already looking at him sideways, I was on the lookout for other lies...we go to Rainforrest cafe' and folks we have a talker!! He talked and talked for what seemed like forever about NOTHING..well I shouldn't say nothing I am sure that some women would be very impressed with his winning first place in the 06' bellyflop contest in Ennis Texas. But not I. Blah blah blah. He then said "I got tickets to the Stars game for Friday and it will be late when the game is over...do you think I could SLEEP ON YOUR COUCH so I wouldn't have to drive home". I said "HEll NO"...As if that wasn't bad enough the bill comes and I said thank you for dinner, I offered to get the tip,I don't know what he heard because he closed the little black bill cover thingy and as he slid it across the table in my direction he said "I will let you look at it and let you be the judge of what you want to contribute". I looked at the unopened little black bill cover thingy for a second and with my index finger I pushed it back across the table, raised my eyebrows and said "I will get the tip". I was thinking don't make me act a fool up in here. He dropped it. And I thought he IS Jewish. I know it is a stereotype, but it is for a REASON!! After dinner we walked around the mall and I had my purse on one arm and I tried to keep it on the same side as he was at all times. Because he kept trying to hold my hand..I was like " I just met you dude, seriously?" He kept on getting grabby with the hand. So I bought something. AH HA. Now I had a purse in one hand and a bag in the other. No hand holding now. I know this next part is going to sound really bad, but hey, I never claimed to be perfect...so I wanted to find out how cheap this guy really is..so I go to Neimans to try on some shoes..yep Prada,Fendi,Gucci,Monolos, as shallow as it is I love labels...I was trying to see how much of an issue he would have with the cost of these shoes...needless to say it was a big problem.He wanted to go to PAYLESS SHOESOURCE... Elcheapo..for sure. After another comment on my anatomy and countless other inappropriate incidents, I was ready to go. I left him with a hug and he said " mmmm...love handles" ...like mmmm, campbells soup...gross huh? I waited till he called me later that evening and I told him EVERYTHING he did wrong and that it was OVA. I have been on more "normal" dates, but I hope you have enjoyed these... I will keep you posted on some of the best ones. Love you long time....Lisa